In the words of Jesse Glynne....Don't be so hard on yourself....
I am in need of motivation! I've found January an incredibly difficult month to get myself going & I think a large amount of that is down to me and my mindset. Last year, I entered in for my first overseas marathon in Seville. Something I thought I would never do and on Sunday, its four weeks until the big event. 4 weeks. I've trained up to 18 miles and the realisation that I might not complete it is nagging at me. I've done four marathons before and completed every single one, what makes this one so different?
1) It's an overseas marathon!!!!: I know people run marathons overseas on a regular basis but this is my very first time I've done it. I've checked the website and rechecked the website. It seems so very well organised but I don't speak a word of Spanish and I fear that all instructions will be in Spanish and I'll be wandering round Seville like a lost soul. My husband has assured me that there will be other non Spanish speaking runners there - still the vision of running on my own in the wrong direction is something that is playing on my mind. But when I checked the number of runners registered for Seville, there's almost 12,000. Surely one of them may be English like me?
2) It's warmer out there than it is here: The average temperature in Seville in late February/early March is between 15-20 degrees Celsius. I've been running in the snow, wind, sleet, frost; temperatures rocketed up to 5 degrees Celsius on Saturday morning when I did my last long run and then it rained the entire duration of my run so much so I ended up not completing 20 miles as I was intending to because it was so bloody cold. However, on the positive side, I have run a marathon in these warm conditions before and survived. So I can do it again.
3) I weigh more now than I did when I completed my previous four marathons: What does that matter? You're doing a marathon I hear some of you say. It matters to me. When I look at photos when I completed Brighton, I look a lot fitter, yet my times for my training runs are equal if not better now than they were two years ago when I completed Brighton. I'm getting to the point where I am starting to count my calories for everything, I know there are more calories in a large banana than there are in a small bag of Quavers. It's not me, I've never counted calories but god knows why I've started now. Just because my trousers are feeling a little tighter than they were six month ago, my legs have become ridiculously muscly - in fact - they look pretty damn good. So this is something I need to shift to the back of my mind and tackle post marathon.
So why am I stressing about all these things when deep down I know I'm going to have a great time out there and run it to the best of my ability? The same reason why anyone gets stressed about anything - control. When that element of control is missing, we feel like it's all falling apart. I work in a nursery and often have new parents coming in nervously watching their offspring going off for their first settling in session in our rooms. They're often quite emotional and it doesn't matter how much you reassure them, they are no longer in control of their child and someone else is. But at the end of the day when you pick them up, that sense of relief washes over you because they are back under your wing once more. My control has momentarily gone because of these three things that are holding me back. And because I am no longer in control, my motivation is slipping and therefore the panic sets in and the vicious cycle starts once more.
I'm away in Manchester this weekend seeing my best friend and celebrating her birthday. I'm going to relax. I'm going to eat what I want, I may indulge in a prosecco or two. I am going to go for a run tonight and take my time rather than stressing over my first mile taking me longer than 10 minutes.I'm going to stop weighing myself - scales are evil and should only be used to measure cake ingredients for when I make Megan's birthday cake next week. It's going to be hard, but I will do it.
Onwards and upwards for the next few weeks.
1) It's an overseas marathon!!!!: I know people run marathons overseas on a regular basis but this is my very first time I've done it. I've checked the website and rechecked the website. It seems so very well organised but I don't speak a word of Spanish and I fear that all instructions will be in Spanish and I'll be wandering round Seville like a lost soul. My husband has assured me that there will be other non Spanish speaking runners there - still the vision of running on my own in the wrong direction is something that is playing on my mind. But when I checked the number of runners registered for Seville, there's almost 12,000. Surely one of them may be English like me?
2) It's warmer out there than it is here: The average temperature in Seville in late February/early March is between 15-20 degrees Celsius. I've been running in the snow, wind, sleet, frost; temperatures rocketed up to 5 degrees Celsius on Saturday morning when I did my last long run and then it rained the entire duration of my run so much so I ended up not completing 20 miles as I was intending to because it was so bloody cold. However, on the positive side, I have run a marathon in these warm conditions before and survived. So I can do it again.
3) I weigh more now than I did when I completed my previous four marathons: What does that matter? You're doing a marathon I hear some of you say. It matters to me. When I look at photos when I completed Brighton, I look a lot fitter, yet my times for my training runs are equal if not better now than they were two years ago when I completed Brighton. I'm getting to the point where I am starting to count my calories for everything, I know there are more calories in a large banana than there are in a small bag of Quavers. It's not me, I've never counted calories but god knows why I've started now. Just because my trousers are feeling a little tighter than they were six month ago, my legs have become ridiculously muscly - in fact - they look pretty damn good. So this is something I need to shift to the back of my mind and tackle post marathon.
So why am I stressing about all these things when deep down I know I'm going to have a great time out there and run it to the best of my ability? The same reason why anyone gets stressed about anything - control. When that element of control is missing, we feel like it's all falling apart. I work in a nursery and often have new parents coming in nervously watching their offspring going off for their first settling in session in our rooms. They're often quite emotional and it doesn't matter how much you reassure them, they are no longer in control of their child and someone else is. But at the end of the day when you pick them up, that sense of relief washes over you because they are back under your wing once more. My control has momentarily gone because of these three things that are holding me back. And because I am no longer in control, my motivation is slipping and therefore the panic sets in and the vicious cycle starts once more.
I'm away in Manchester this weekend seeing my best friend and celebrating her birthday. I'm going to relax. I'm going to eat what I want, I may indulge in a prosecco or two. I am going to go for a run tonight and take my time rather than stressing over my first mile taking me longer than 10 minutes.I'm going to stop weighing myself - scales are evil and should only be used to measure cake ingredients for when I make Megan's birthday cake next week. It's going to be hard, but I will do it.
Onwards and upwards for the next few weeks.
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